Throughout my life I have tried on many beliefs and the reason for that is in my heart I want peace, happiness and all sorts of wonderful things for all. When I was younger everything seemed possible and interesting so i went from campus radical,commune, edgar cayce, meditation and jehovahs witnesses. I was looking for the big answer and I kept thinking I had it until i realized i was looking for what I wanted to be true. Now I just don't know what's really the truth. Most religions ask you to love a super being w/o judgement of it's activity using the premise that you don't have the right to judge. I tried to love a god but I ask alot of quesitons and examined my feelings because sometimes i didn't like what I saw and I felt that I was always trying to make excuses for why god can commit genocide and it's okay but if humans do it well than it's terrible. i thought that if I dedicated my life to searching for god i would find a satisfying answer. I can't just obey or pretend to love something that doesn't feel right inside. i admit living in freefall is a little scary things go wrong and you wish you could pray to a loving god who really did care for you and that you understood why we die and all that but I'm finished with that. i hope there's something going on and that there's a reason for everything but as everyone in the org says youve got to make the truth your own and it's not what's happening at the kingdom halls.
It's strange road but whatever. I'm just running up against the brick wall and banging my head on it hoping I'll find out something true with the time I have left in this life.